Control or Care ?

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23rd Jan, 2022

I vividly remember an incident that happened a long time ago. Once my son and I had an argument when he was just entering his teens over a trivial disciplinary issue.

Harsh words were exchanged leaving both of us upset and in tears. After sometime, as our emotions settled down, we said sorry to each other. We hugged and then he said, “Dad, you know why you got upset? You were not upset because I did wrong, but you were upset because I didn’t follow your instructions, there is a big difference!”

I was stunned with his mature thinking. It was a revelation for me and I got my answer too. I was trying to control him under the disguise of care which caused the conflict.

The care from one person may be perceived as control by another. If you really ‘care’ for someone, you should not get upset or angry with that person but you should keep searching for different ways to help him or her.

There’s a thin line between caring and controlling. And sometimes it can be hard to distinguish one from the other.

No relationship should make you feel small, unsafe, or unhappy. If someone is truly caring, you will feel accepted, loved, and validated in their presence. But if you constantly receive threats and ultimatums  about them leaving you because of things you’ve done, you’re most likely in a controlling relationship.

If you are struggling in any relationship, you need to observe closely if there is any subtle control hidden behind your apparent care, because care is an expression of love while control is an expression of ego.

Control cuts, care connects,

control hurts, care heals.

Keep caring for people but don’t control them because often people are not wrong, they are just different.

Always keep caring. This Sunday, let’s start the process of caring for our family & friends and stay blessed forever.

(From my Book, ‘Dear Son…Life Lessons from a Father)